Chapter The First: Our Journey Begins

THE WHY:

“Don’t you think this idea is a bit, you know… bollocks?”

This is the girlfriend. This is bad.

Not that the girlfriend has to like an idea for it to be a good one, but in three years she’s never been wrong. Maybe this is a crap idea. So why can’t I let it go?

Facebook. It’s all the fault of Facebook.
When it comes to Facebook people fall into three camps. There are those who hate it. They think its a boring, self serving, morally questionable threat to privacy and personal data. They are of course completely right. There are those who love it. Really, really love it. You know them. They’re the ones suggesting you adopt a virtual cow, list your top ten pizza toppings or horror of all horrors, come and see them perform Ibsen in a dank toilet theatre above, below or indeed behind a pub

Now me, I fall into the third camp. I simply accept whatever technological development comes along, fill in the requisite forms and I'm away. Why? Simple. I've always been worried that everyone else is having a better time than I am. Facebook can't fix that, but it can at least let me know when and where that better time is being had and give me the option of clicking "maybe" on the RSVP.

But lately I've been yearning for more. Like all relationships, Facebook three and half years in has lost some of its sparkle. I don’t want Facebook to just sit there like unloving shrewish wife - I want it to do something!
The truth is that I've been feeling very disconnected of late. I have brilliant friends but I hardly ever get to see them (no doubt the fault of the Tory government) and as I ease into my thirties everything seems much less spontaneous than it used to. It's hard to meet now. We have to text, email, confirm, reconfirm and then probably cancel.
When did it get so complicated? When I was 15 my mate Martyn used to wait outside my house every day after school. I hated it, but you've got to admire the simplicity of his plan.
It's my fault. I'm crap at texting and loathe talking on the phone. I'm antisocial and always have been. This never used to be a problem, but finally people have cottoned on. They’ve stopped calling and texting because they know I’ll be too busy watching a DVD box set and eating crisps.

So there they sit. My Facebook friends. All 383 of them. Let's face it, I haven't got a clue who half of them are.
So why have them? Why keep them? Why not just cull most of them and save the 20 (okay 4) people I actually get on with?
I could, but I won’t.
I'm not going to give up on my 383 friends. Oh no. I'm going to do something much worse. I'm going to get in touch with them.

THE WHAT:

Starting at the top of the list I am going to contact one Facebook friend per day and by God I'm going to make a connection.
One by one, day by day, I will work my way down the list until every single bloody one of them has been contacted.
I know what you’re thinking. Big deal. That’s why I have Facebook friends, to stay in touch with them.
But think about it for a second. How many of your Facebook friends do you actually communicate with? How many people have you added and then never thought of again?
Well no more. I am going on a voyage into the unknown, the undiscovered country, the unpoked multitude – and I’m taking you with me!
Each day I will contact one friend and at the end of the week I will blog about what happens. Who knows? I might even turn it into a stage show and perform it in a dank toilet theatre above, below or indeed behind a pub.


Keep your eyes peeled. You could be next…